Or dating, I just want to already be deeply in love. If I’m making a new friend, I just want to already be best friends. I hate all the little questions you have to ask to get to know someone. So, in my version, um, you know, I would be like, “So, I was fucking this guy…” “Then things got a little crazy.” That’s my take on a classic. I want in, you know? So, I’ve been kind of working on my own version of this classic bit… where I just passively take it from the stool. They’re like… I’m always just so blown away by their creativity. I was like…” They’re like… they’ll always use the mic as their dick. Be like… “I was having sex with this girl. They’ll do a joke, “Oh, I was having sex with this girl…” They’ll act it out on the stool. They get to do stuff where they talk about having sex with a girl. I’m like, gah-ah-ah, you know? Male comedians get to have so much fun. You know what I mean? I just want to feel what it feels like to have male confidence, like, just that feeling, like, it just seems like it must be so amazing, like… My fantasy of what it’s like to be a guy is you wake up in the morning, and your eyes open, and you’re like, “I’m awesome!” “People probably want to hear what I have to say!” Does that sound accurate? “I’m probably gonna do something great today.” I’m always doubting myself. I like to always get into a stand-up… like, a stand-up stance, you know? Just… I always put my arm here so you guys will be like, “Uh-oh.” “Looks like this comedian’s probably gonna be telling it like it is.” I like to get you in the right zone. One of the top comedians touring the country right now, so it should be a great show. I’m also a huge fan of my work, and… just really excited to see what I’m gonna do up here… uh, tonight. No photos, no videos, and do not approach the stage with gifts. Ladies and gentlemen, the show’s about to begin. We want more of a soft glow around the talent! Spot 1 and 2, follow me out to my car. Okay, we’re at places! Stand by, lighting cue. I’m like a loaded weapon, and my brain is the bullet. It was time to hit the slats with nothing but the clothes on my back. ![]() I guess you could say I’m a direct vessel of God. I just want to make sure it can take the volume that I get to… like, what!Īll that was left was for me to hit my knees and pray to God to thank Him for all the humility He bestowed upon me… and the supreme gift He blessed me with. I don’t know the terminology you guys use. First, I had to go through a rigorous calibration of the lighting environment on stage. An icon within an already-iconic city, so it’s like a double whammy of iconography. At last, I made it to the venue… San Francisco… My hometown Bay Area, the iconic Palace of Fine Arts. Did you fuck my wife? Killed it, but I still had to go down Lombard Street. I trained with the best impression coach in the world. But it was time to put everything else behind me and start fresh. In all seriousness though, who cares about anything? We’ll all be dead soon. Who’s tired? Who’s tired? Who’s sleepy? I am. Go time! I’m still tired, and I got 12 hours’ sleep last night. Sometimes I feel like everybody tripping but me. I did countless hour specials where I looked like a damn fool, trying to be something I wasn’t. ![]() ![]() All the crazy years of my life stacked on top of one another in a pile of mistaken identities. So many trials and tribulations brought me to this point.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |